Father finds out his son

A parent going by his son’s bedroom was surprised to see the bed perfectly made and everything neatly arranged. Then he noticed an envelope clearly pushed up on the cushion. “Dad,” it was called.

With shaky hands, he opened the envelope and read the letter with the worst foreboding:

“Dear Father,

I’m writing to express my deep regret and sadness.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend in order to avoid a confrontation with Mom and you. I’ve been having a lot of fun with Queenie. She’s very kind, but I knew you wouldn’t like her because of all her piercings, tattoos, motorcycle clothes, and our enormous age gap.

It’s not only the passion, Dad. She’s expecting a child. Queenie predicted that we would be overjoyed. She owns a camper in the woods and has enough firewood to last the whole winter. We both wish to have many more children.
Queenie has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meanwhile, we’ll hope that science discovers an AIDS treatment so that Queenie can recover. She certainly deserves it!

Don’t worry, Dad; I’m 15 and know how to look after myself. I’m sure we’ll return someday to introduce you to your numerous grandkids.


Joshua, your son

P.S.: Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Jason’s house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that’s on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!”
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