While doing some duty in the Court House

I overheard a lady who had been arrested for assaulting a mammogram technician remark, “Your Honor, I’m guilty, but… there were extenuating circumstances,” while completing some business at the courthouse.

“I’d really want to hear those extenuating circumstances,” the female judge said cynically. I felt the same way, so I listened as the lady related her story.

“Your honor, I had a mammography appointment that I kept.” I was greeted by this cheerful little clipboard carrier who bent her head to one side and crooned, “Hi!” My name is Belinda! All I ask is that you enter this room, undress to the waist, and put on this gown. Does everything make sense?

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, ‘Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?’ Fine, I answered.

I was cold, injured, and out of air, so why not finish me out with the remaining circulation in my legs and neck? My body was in a gravity-defying holding posture (with my other breast squeezed between those two 4-inch square pieces of glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

The electricity was off, and it was pitch black!

“Uh-oh, maintenance is working; I bet they hit a hitch,” Belinda replied. She then made her way to the front door.

‘Pardon me! You’re not leaving me in this situation, are you?I yelled.

Belinda continued, saying, “Oh, you finicky dog…” The door is wide open, so you’ll be able to see the emergency hall lights. I’ll return straight away.

She was gone before I could say NOOOO!

And that’s how Greg and Jim, the “Maintenance Men Extraordinaire,” discovered me… half-naked, with one leg dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other shattered between two panes of glass!

Greg (or perhaps Jim) inquired, to my great surprise, if I was aware the power was out after exchanging a cordial “Hi, how’s it going?” sort of greeting.

Trying to keep my hysterics at bay, I said calmly, “Uh, sure, I did notice, but thanks anyway.”

“OK, you take care now,” I say. Jim responded and waved farewell as if I were in line at the grocery store.

The electricity was ultimately restored, but there was no trace of Belinda. She eventually walks in two hours later, a sheepish smirk on her face.
“Oh, I am so sorry!” She couldn’t hide her delight, she said.When the electricity came back on, I completely forgot about you! And then I went to lunch. “Are we bothered?”
And that, Your Honor, is how her head ended up trapped between the clamps. ”
The judge couldn’t stop laughing as she said, “Case dismissed!”
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