A new priest

A rookie priest was so frightened at his first mass that he couldn’t speak.
He inquired of the Monsignor how he felt after the liturgy.
The monsignor admitted, “When I’m uneasy on the platform, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.” “I take a drink when I start to feel apprehensive.”

The new priest chose to follow the monsignor’s advice the next Sunday. He had a drink at first because he was scared. He then continued to rant.

When he returned to his office, he discovered a letter on the door that read:

Sip the vodka rather than guzzle it.

There are ten, not twelve, commandments.

There are twelve disciples, not ten.

Jesus was not constipated but sanctified.

Jacob wagered his donkey rather than “bet his ass.”

Jesus Christ is not referred to as “the late J.C.”

– We don’t refer to the crossing as the “Big T.”

The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are not known as “daddy, junior, and the ghost.”

David defeated Goliath without “kicking the crap out of him.”

We do not say that David was “stoned off his ass” when he was struck by a rock and knocked from his donkey.

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