Woman Is Guilty Of Assaulting A Nurse. But The Judge Never Expected To Hear This.
While conducting some business at the Courthouse, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, “Your Honor, I’m guilty but there were extenuating circumstances.”
The female Judge said, sarcastically, “I’d certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.” I did too s0000 I listened as the lady told her story.
“Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, “Hi! I’m Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?”
I’m considering, “Try decaf, Belinda. It’s not rocket science.”
Belinda then dashed out to set up the hall of horrors.
After finishing the right side, Belinda tossed me (literally) to the left and murmured, “Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tiptoes and lean in a little to make sure we get everything?” Okay, I replied.
I was cold, injured, and out of air, so why not finish me out with the remaining circulation in my legs and neck? My body was in a gravity-defying holding pattern (with my other breast squeezed between those two 4 inch square pieces of glass) when I heard and felt a zap!
Complete darkness, the power was off!
“Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a hitch,” Belinda remarked. She then made her way to the front door.
“Please excuse me! You’re not going to abandon me in this vice, are you?” I yelled.
Belinda continued, saying, “Oh, you wuss…the door is wide open, so you’ll have access to the emergency hall lights. I’ll return straight now.”
Before I could yell NO! She vanished. And that’s how Bubba and Earl, “maintenance guys extraordinaire,” discovered me…half-naked, with one leg dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other shattered between glass!
After exchanging a polite Hi, how’s it going type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, “Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway.”
“OK, you take care now” Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Belinda walks in two hours later, a sheepish smirk on her face.
“Oh I am s000 sorry!” she said, not trying to hide her enjoyment.
When the electricity came back on, I completely forgot about you! And then I went to lunch. “Are we bothered?”
And that is exactly how her head wound up between the clamps, Your Honor…”
The judge couldn’t stop laughing as she stated, “Case Dismissed.”
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