How is your se*x life?



Two men were talking.

“So, how’s your se*x life?”

“Oh, nothing noteworthy. I’m having Pension se*x right now.”

“How about some pension se*x?”

“You know, I get a little every month, but not enough to live on!”

HEAVY se*x

When a wife went to see a therapist, she stated,

“I have a serious problem, doctor. Whenever we’re in bed and my

When the husband reaches his climax, he lets out an ear piercing cry.”

“That’s all natural, my darling,” the therapist remarked.

“I’m not sure what the issue is.”

“The issue is,” she grumbled, “it wakes me up!”

QUIET se*x

Tired of a listless se*x life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session,

“How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?”

She glanced at him and replied, “You’re never home!”


On their 40th wedding anniversary, a husband and wife had a heated argument.

“When you die, I’m ordering you a gravestone that says, ‘Here Lies My Wife – Cold as Ever,'” the husband shouted.

“Yeah,” she says, “when you die, I’m going to get you a gravestone that says, ‘Here Lies My Husband – Stiff At Last.'”


“This will make you happy tonight,” my husband stated as he brought home a tube of K Y jelly.

He was correct. I squirted it all over the doorknobs when he left the bedroom. He was unable to re-enter.

When an 87-year-old woman returned home from Bingo, she discovered her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.

She grew aggressive and pushed him out the balcony of their assisted living apartment on the 20th floor, killing him instantly.

When she was brought before the court on a murder accusation, the judge inquired whether she had anything to say in her defense.

She began coolly, ‘Yes, your honor. I figured that at 92, if he could have se*x…he could also fly.

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