A man parachuted out of an aeroplane.

A man parachuted out of an airplane, but his chute did not open.
As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground.

As the man zoomed by, the man heading down asked, “Do you know anything about parachutes?”

The man replied in passing, “No, do you know anything about gas stoves?”

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A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight.
Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet.

Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug asked, “Why did you put up such a fight?”

To which the man promptly replied, “I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe.”

Two neighbors are talking to each other.
First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me?

Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.

First neighbor: Really, well, then, how?

Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football.
During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half, a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede,

“Where were you during the first half?”

He replied, “Putting on my shoes!”

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