Some new sleeping pills.

An exhausted-looking blonde dragged himself in to the doctor’s office.
“Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood.” “They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.”

“I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream.” “A few of these and your trouble will be over.”

“Great,” the blonde answered, “I’ll try anything.” “Let’s give it a shot.”

A few weeks later, the blonde returned, looking worse than ever.

“Doc, your plan is no good.” “I’m more tired than before!”

“I don’t understand how that could be,” said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!”

“That may be true,” answered the blonde wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs, and when I finally catch one, it’s hard getting him to swallow the pill!”

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blonde holding a baby walks into a drug store
and asks the clerk if she can use the store’s baby scale.

“Sorry, ma’am,” says the clerk. “Our baby scale is broken.” “But we can figure the baby’s weight if we weigh the mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first.”

“Oh, that won’t work,” says the blonde.

“Why not?” asks the clerk.

“Because,” she answers, “I’m not the mother—I’m the aunt.”

A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on.
She stopped at a hair salon and asked for a haircut.

She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off her headphones.

The stylist replied by refusing to cut her hair, so she left.

She went to a different hair salon and said the same thing.

This time, the stylist agreed to cut her hair.

After a while, the blonde fell asleep in the chair.

To wake her, the stylist took off the headphones.

The blond immediately fell on the floor, flopped, and died.

Confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones.

They were saying, “Breath in, breath out.”

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