My insanely witty five-year-old.

A few years ago I had a proud (step)dad moment I think this sub will like..
This was right after picking her up from preschool. She was usually a bit grumpy and I always tried to be fun and keep the drive home more upbeat.

Her: “I’m hungry.”

Me: “Nice to meet you, hungry, I’m dad.”

Her: “Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?”

Me: “Aw why not, sweets?”

Her: “Because I don’t like it when you call me names like hungry or thirsty or anything!”

Me: “Alright, I’m not going to say that anymore.”

Her: “Nice to meet you, not going to say that anymore.”

I was preparing to go cash a paycheck
when I realized my husband hadn’t signed it. So I sent our four-year-old daughter upstairs to “get Daddy’s name on the back of it.”

She came back, handed it to me, and said, “I knew his name so I did it myself.”

On the back of the check, she had printed, “D-A-D”.

Kid stuff
A very dirty little fellow came in from playing in the yard and asked his mother, “Who am I?”

Ready to play the game she said, “I don’t know! Who are you?”

“WOW!” cried the child. “Mrs Johnson was right! She said I was so dirty, my own mother wouldn’t recognise me!”

Exam scare
Father to son after exam: “Let me see your report card.”

Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”

Young wisdom
A man comes to dinner at a new friend’s house. While they eat, the new friend’s small son keeps staring at the guest. Finally, the guest says, “Why are you staring at me like that, young fellow?”

The kid says, “Daddy told me you were a self-made man.”

“I am.”

“Well, why did you make yourself like that?”

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